Abbey Goodyear, MD
Some may argue that growing your family is easier in training than as an attending due to ACGME-mandated parental leave policies and protections for lactating mothers. I wanted to start growing my family during residency for many reasons: Minimizing fertility and birth complications, maximizing the reproductive time I had to build my desired family size, and increasing the number of healthy years I’d have with my children and potential future grandchildren.
Of course, there are many challenges, such as financial strain, longer working hours and academic pressures. As a rad mom, I’ve faced rough patches, but I’ve also thrived during residency. And now I’d like to share some tools with you that I would give to my younger self, if I could.
If you choose a daycare or nanny you trust and feel good about, you won’t have to worry as much about your kids during the day. This was very challenging for me at first — I was worried about my kids missing me, and I was needlessly paranoid about the quality of their care. Then one day I realized childcare wasn’t just a necessary solution for me, but something enriching for my kids that allowed them to socialize, engage, learn, play and exercise. And most importantly, I realized my kids were happy! My advice is to let go of your parent guilt about the time you spend away from them.
When at work, allow yourself to be engrossed in what you do. When you see an interesting case, read up on it. Read as many cases as you can, and when you encounter an unfamiliar case, take a moment to STATdx. If your mind wanders to your kids, remind yourself that they are happy and safe, and refocus on the task at hand. Use those rare moments of downtime at work to squeeze in as much study time as you can.
When at home, disconnect from work. Leave your phone in the other room. You have a few hours to be present for your kids before bedtime. Listen to their day. Share in their joys and sorrows. Laugh with them.
Even if it’s just a few minutes. We all know the saying about the oxygen mask.
Being a united front is important. It’s easy to become complacent and think that with all the other demands in your life, it’s OK to skip out on date night (don’t do it). Pick a place/activity, and go have fun!
I’m convinced that the saying, “When stuff (paraphrasing) hits the fan …” came from a parent. Parenting is both literally and figuratively messy. As a long-standing germ freak, laughter has become my coping mechanism.
On many mornings, you may roll up to your rotation feeling groggy despite having three cups of coffee because you were up all night. You won’t always be the perfect parent/partner/resident, and that’s difficult to grapple with when you’re a perfectionist (being a doctor and all). Take a deep breath and exhale. You’re doing great!
If lactation didn’t work for you, that’s OK; don’t let others guilt you (how dare they)! I’ve heard today’s formulas are great (your pediatrician, of course, can best discuss this with you).
For lactating mothers, don’t let the pressure of clinical service force you into giving up breastfeeding, if that’s what you want to do. You have the right to step away from service for lactation; it is an ACGME mandate. If you have a difficult time stepping away from service for chunks of time (like I did), you may explore wearable pumps. They make so many of them these days. The only downside is they all make some kind of weird sound, so you become accustomed to awkward remarks from others in the (otherwise quiet) reading room such as, “What is that sound?!”
If the thought of pumping around others freaks you out (or makes expressing milk impossible), or you just can’t step away from clinical service, talk to your program director. Maybe they can set you up in a private reading room or find some other solution. Again, practices are mandated by ACGME to support your breastfeeding goals.
No one is going to tap you on the shoulder and say, “I noticed you haven’t pumped in three hours; isn’t it time for you to do that?” Or, “Hey, don’t you have to take your kid to their doctor’s appointment?” I cannot stress self-advocacy enough. It can feel awkward, but it’s necessary. And if you don’t, no one else will.
ACGME mandates six weeks leave for vaginal birth and eight weeks for cesarean birth. Your program may provide even more time than this. And if you’ve been at an institution for 12 months, you qualify for FMLA. In addition to discussing parental leave with your Chiefs and/or Program Director, consider checking out the American Association for Women in Radiology page regarding family and medical leave.
We all know it takes a village. Find a safe group of friends, family and/or mentors, and don’t be afraid to share your struggles and ask for help. As physicians I think we struggle to ask for help because we are self-motivated, problem-solving people. Parenting is a little different. You don’t have to do it alone.
To connect with other medical student parents, join the Parenting in Radiology Community on ACR Engage. Also, check out the video series, ACR Parenting in Radiology, which delves into topics such as family planning, challenges with time, balancing responsibilities and more.
I always enjoy expanding my tribe! If you’d like to connect with me, find me on social platform X @abbeygoodyear or send me an email; I would love to hear from you.
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